Losing the battle while winning the war

Yesterday was Dana's 55th birthday, though she came to me in a dream and made sure to mention that you don't age in heaven, so she's still 53. It was the weirdest dream, she was making a phone call from Heaven and I asked her why she had waited so long to call me. She said she couldn't call me until the time was right. She didn't allow me to cry or to be sad. She said she was really happy, and though she missed all of us, she was free to be at peace because she knew we would all be okay. I was still a little mad that she waited 19 months to call me because I talk to her in my head everyday, but I did not get a chance to ask her in my dream if she hears the things I tell her. She did most of the talking (which if you know me very well, is strange.) She really sounded great. There was so much I wanted to ask her, things like, am I a good mother? Is she still proud of me? Did she get reunited with Rebecca and her parents? Ah well, just when I was about to get all the answers about the after-life, she hung up and said she would call again when the time was right.

I guess the point of my story is, there are so many things I want to ask her - i can think of a reason to call her at least every other day... but i guess deep in my heart if things get quiet around here, I can hear the answer. The answer comes in the quiet advice she gave me all of my life. One of her favorite things to tell me when it came to dealing with my brother, my boyfriends, my friends, and just about everything in life is to "pick your battles."

This advice comes to be very important when you enter the challenging world of "child-rearing" - or at least that's what my grandmother would call parenting . I don't think many people really know what "rearing" is. Yesterday felt like the battle of a lifetime. Cayden challenged me on everything from climbing in the fire place to putting his hands inside of his poopy diaper on the way to change him. What a nightmare! I was so frustrated and angry for most of the day. He knows he has me right where he wants me when I am nursing Emalee - because I don't have the physical ability to get up and go make him stop what ever wrong-doing is going on at the moment; therefore, I do in fact have to "pick my battles." When I am nursing, he pretty much gets away with murder - unless he's doing something that he could really get hurt, in which case, I pull Emalee off which is not only painful for me, but causes her to scream at the top of her lungs until I get her back on after taking care of Cayden's mischief. That infant scream will cause you to lose your mind in about a minute and 48 seconds (you can see this has been tested.) Cayden's toddler crying/whining can easily be tuned out for 10-15 minutes, though he does make real tears... he's such a faker... for no reason at all, basically just that he didn't get his way.

By the time Matt came home from work, I was war-weary and took a right to run some errands. I decided tomorrow would be another day, a better day, and it definitely was. I may be kidding myself that I am winning the war, but that's what it feels like today. Today was a great day, we read books, played with puzzles, watched Jack's Big Music show, Handy Manny, and Little Bill (Cayden's favorites) - and we made a few birthday cards together for some up-coming birthdays. He also took a 3 hour nap in the middle of the day. Ah life's little blessings, take them when you can get them.

CB

CB